Saturday, April 28, 2012

An Interview With Myself

Why did you post a short fiction story called Blood, Cum Shit, Piss earlier?

Thanks for asking. I really like that story. I was thinking of the housewives who find my blog by searching for "fifty shades of grey excerpt" and thought they would like to read Blood, Cum, Shit, Piss.

So, I've been reading your blog lately. Do you hate people who are more successful than you?

Oh, Definitely.

What do you write poetry about?

Mostly like, AOL instant messenger convos, texts, people making me mix tapes and jacking off on my face, stuff like that. But sometimes Everybody Loves Raymond and dog rapes.

Who reads Deathcapades?

It's a really eclectic mix. I think like, my friends from around the country, people who used to put their penis inside me, stalkfuckers, people searching for porn.

I heard you were "in a bad place" how many different kinds of prescription and non prescription drugs are you currently taking?

Thirty-seven.

So, you're writing a novel. Is it any good?

No.

Do you hate yourself?

Yes.

Do you think you're going to kill yourself some time during the coming week?

Well, I've been doing this thing before I fall asleep where, I don't cry or anything, because I'm on too much medication, but I just say "GODJESUSFUCK" over and over again in my head like two to three hundred times followed by "kill me in my sleep" another two to three hundred times. I would like to say that I'm going to kill myself this week, but I told myself I would not attempt suicide again until I have a gun, and I really can't afford one at the moment.

Last question. What are you thinking about right now?

I'm thinking about how I introduced these people at Burning Man a few years ago, and how they got married yesterday, and how I'm now responsible for their future devastating emotional and financial ruin. I'm also thinking about how Mel Gibson was on The Tonight Show last night and I missed it, and how I hope I can find it on Youtube.

Thanks

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