Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Untitled

I want to say something else about animals, it involves a neurosis I have about my dog. Every time my dog is in the car with me, we're going somewhere he likes. We're going to the park, or to go for a hike in the mountains, or the dog park. I worry that whenever I leave the house to do something where I can't take him, he thinks I'm going to the dog park or hiking or whatever without him. It makes me feel really sad.

 

Regarding BFFs

My best friend told me he would shit in someone's mouth for me the other day. That seemed really "intense." Seemed like the most "ride or die" thing I could think of. Seemed a lot nicer than saying, "I love you," or something like that.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

So I've Got Some Advice For You Friend...

"I'm a 43 year old woman, married for 19 years, and I need your help! Like most middle aged moms, I read Fifty Shades of Grey. I understand that it's fiction. But it has motivated me to spice things up in the bedroom. The problem is that my husband is a dud. He's not open to trying anything that isn't missionary or doggy. That's the extent of it. I feel I've tried everything. He's happy with the way things are. Period. What do I do?"

-Woman Has Interesting Perversions

B-B-B -Bruise 'em, you'll never lose 'em

 

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Are YOU A "Magical Person"?

The Rich & Healthy Witch: The Essential Survival Guide For Magical People.

"If you are a magical person by nature, then you need to read this book."
"Magical people - people who have magical talent, the second sight, visions, precognitions, dreams, creativity and imagination - suffer from a lack of understanding and support from their non-magical families, at school, at work and in society at large."


That said, this may or may not be the most amazing sentence I've ever read: "Silvia - you make more sense than anybody I've met before in this world. It's like when I read what you write, I recognize ME. You are talking about a world and way of living that I can finally understand and relate to. I love the idea of eating like a magical person - how logical is that!"


Sort of feel like that person's definition of "logical" is like "fucking insane" or something. Sort of feel like the person who wrote that sentence is truly the most "magical" person that has ever existed.