Friday, May 11, 2012

What I Think the Internet is For

the internet is for showing me pictures of different types of dicks made of things that are not dicks.

http://thingsthatlooklikecocknballs.com/

http://www.buzzfeed.com/melismashable/20-things-that-look-like-male-genitals

http://www.regretsy.com/2012/02/16/5-things-that-look-like-penises-4/

http://youoffendmeyouoffendmyfamily.com/pictures-of-things-that-look-like-a-penis/

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=44219

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/things-that-look-like-penis

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2011-03-18/15-things-that-look-like-chris-browns-penis/

The internet is for promoting your "brand" in a world full of pictures of dicks made of things that are not dicks. As a girl, you can promote your "brand" by showing off your boobies in some type of "feminist" context and writing about dicks that are made of real dicks and how your vagina feels sometimes, and maybe when people ask you for the bad types of sex that involve the bad holes that you're not supposed to use from the bible.

If you're not a girl and you're just a person, you can promote your "brand" by saying "things" on "relevant" comment threads. These are the type of message board "brands" you can have if you're a person and not a girl because if you were a girl you would obviously be showing your boobies somewhere or getting fucked for the sake of internet film and literature:

The "brand" where you verbally curb stomp, then gore and fuck stranger's feelings because you think you're very talented and "good" and understand things, and are bewildered by your own fake irrelevance in a fake world made of boobies and real and fake types of dicks, and also articles about real and fake types of diseases and psychiatric disorders you might have.

The "brand" where you "shit talk" gore/fucking types of behavior by speaking in an extremely backhanded sarcastic tone. Kind of like you're a white, "educated" Christian person in a country full of types of "dark" people who possibly speak types of click tongue languages, and you need to explain to them that they don't "get it."

The type of "brand" where you "shit talk" "shit talking," and use words like "abstraction" to describe words like "good" and "bad" as though "shit talking" itself is not an abstraction, because your ego cannot handle any type of criticism, even though "criticism" is a fucking abstraction by a stranger in a fake world made of types of dicks and diseases.

The "brand" where you are like, commenting on a message board because you want to be more "relevant," and less lonely, but also don't really have anything important to "say" so you make up some type of sentence that's *kind of* back handed and sarcastic, but in a way that wouldn't be considered "shit talking" and throw in the word "chill" a few times.

The "brand" where you don't really understand "the internet" or "personas" and just say "sincere" types of things, and everyone disregards them to read more interesting things by other "brands" in the descending order I have listed.

J/K, the internet is not for being a terrible human, exploiting yourself and others, self diagnosing yourself with herpes and bipolar disorder, pixxx of dixxx, and finding new things to masturbate to. It's defs about  learning and connecting you to different people and cultures to create a more accepting, less homogenous world. Who the fuck wants to eat? HOORAY!!!

 

 

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