Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Will She?

Yesterday one of the searches that led to Deathcapades was, "Will she fuck on xanax?"

I felt like there was a good chance she would.

I also felt like the root dick was probably the one who wanted to know.


p.s. Austin, what do you think is more terrifying A) The root dick querying terms related to your future rape or B) Waking up in the middle of the night, opening your eyes, and seeing "the thing" standing over your bed?





  1. C. Going on an ice skate date with someone special and noticing a weird shape in their pants, but not making note of it. When you eat ice cream later on in the date at the ice rink, you graze over his crotch with your hands and feel it. After being terrified by what you've just felt, he gives you a meaningful, special look and you want to throw up and slash or scream. You try to excuse yourself to the bathroom and ice skate away, but are in such a panic that you lose control on the ice and break your neck. No one will know what the last thing you felt was, and neither will you.

  2. I feel like we seriously need to stop talking about the root dick, lol. Like, now I'm terrified to ever fuck anyone ever again.

    Last night I was afraid to go to sleep. I decided The Montauk Monster might just be the washed up remnants of "the thing" sans UGGs/mini skirt/facial hair, but then I figured that's probably just what I needed to believe while I was lying alone in the dark.

    If I was dating someone, and I knew what their penis looked like, I could talk about the root dick forever, but now I feel fairly certain it's waiting for me. Sometimes people talk about whose penis they want to see, and I am always like, I pretty much never want to see anyone's penis because I feel it may ruin our relationship. I feel like every time someone begins to take their pants off in front of me I have a panic attack.

  3. I really miss THE THING...and I am almost certain is riding a segway right now.

    THE THING would presumably have the root dick, but in reality it probably has something similar to a sea anenome with hair in the private zone, y'all.

    I suspect the root dick belongs to Bruce Willis or someone of that nature...I will tell you about that in privacy

  4. Ask Barrett/Lew Reid if they remember it. Right before I deleted my Facebook he friended me. Miss him. I sent him a message about his sweet ass satan sheets.