Sunday, July 15, 2012


I need to write a "dazzling" bio.

How the fuck do you write a bio for yourself?

Rhetorical questions.

Do you want another reason to feel disgusted by human existence?

This shit is for you. Raye Jackson loves writing almost as much as she hates herself. You can find her any evening, somewhere in America, seconds from passing out in a puddle of her own puke. Get your ticket early folks, cause this bitch is a born and bred star.


Seriously though, how do you write a bio?


  1. Describe a bowel movement. Name it "Raye's bio."

  2. I have this "friend" named Seth who told me a story about how this guy passed out on his couch and he was so drunk that he shit on the guy's chest, but then he felt bad so he like scraped the shit off of the guy's chest and stuck it into his pockets instead.

    I definitely laughed and vomited a little at the same time while typing that. That should be my bio. He's like a 350 lb man who man in a bowler hat who eats out of the garbage. He's totally a white sir.

  3. Nicholas Heet Bio:
    An enigmatic filmmaker - greatly inspired by the past and searching for ways to touch the present, Nicholas Heet is a natural filmmaker with a true love for the artform. Highly descriptive and interpretive, giving great thought to everything he does, he aims to touch audiences in a way that is rare in modern times.