I need to write a "dazzling" bio.
How the fuck do you write a bio for yourself?
Do you want another reason to feel disgusted by human existence?
This shit is for you. Raye Jackson loves writing almost as much as she hates herself. You can find her any evening, somewhere in America, seconds from passing out in a puddle of her own puke. Get your ticket early folks, cause this bitch is a born and bred star.
Seriously though, how do you write a bio?