Friday, August 31, 2012

Untitled

Okay, I try not to talk about food, like, ever, because I think it's the most boring thing on earth. I feel like weather is fascinating as fuck compared to talking about food, but like...earlier, I went to this frozen yogurt place, and, I'm just going to go ahead and speak in run ons, as per usual. You know cherry jolly ranchers? You know how they're like fucking amazing, and you eat one and you're like fuck, I need a bag that is only cherry. Well so, I went to this frozen yogurt place and they had cherry jolly rancher frozen yogurt. I'm pretty sure it's the best food type substance I've ever tasted. Like...I literally cannot believe it. Mind=blown.

 

ADDED NOTE: Talking about food is actually really funny if you do it "properly."

 

p.s. has their been an episode of intervention dedicated to bath salts yet?

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Untitled

While filling out a pre employment app asking about my drug use, I had the overwhelming urge to write:

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

HIGH 'TIL I DIE

And then draw a pot leaf.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Untitled

I just keep imagining choking the shit out of someone and laughing and laughing.

"Legit" Question

Was U2 ever a "good" band? Remember when they made those crazy "experimental" albums, like, Pop, I think, and Zoo TV, I think? Were those albums "ahead of their time?" Like is "Sunday Bloody Sunday" a good song? Is "With or Without You" a good song?  Or like, have they always been and always will be a band for like yuppies and liberal dads?

Seriously though. These are the kinds of things I think about.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Untitled

Okay, have you ever had sex with someone, and....well, first of all, I want you to keep in mind, this story is "theoretical," I've never had sex before. I'm waiting for "the one," but anyway, so, have you ever had sex with someone, and like, then later, without knowing you'd, shall we say, "known" that person, someone tells you a story about sleeping with them and it's like...COMPLETELY different than your experience? Like let's say, again, theoretically, that when you slept with that person there were times when you thought, "I might die during this experience." (I laughed out loud really hard after I typed that.) Not like, in a way where it wasn't "consensual" just like, "I might die during this experience, and that's fine."

Okay, and then, "theoretically," someone tells you a story about sleeping with that person, and they're like, "He's the nicest guy! He bought an expensive bottle of wine and we were listening to Radiohead. He's such a gentleman."

Like....first of all....expensive wine and Radiohead? I just "theoretically" vomited in my mouth. Secondly, WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF.  Seems like the only person who can "explain" this is that lil minx SexyVix.

Friday, August 24, 2012

SEXCAPADES

Okay guys, let me introduce you to the new DC "column." The writer of this column will be known as "SexyVixen6969" and if you would like to email questions for the column, there will be an email for it eventually, but we couldn't think of a good one so, for now, just send them to sisterraye@gmail.com and I will "forward" them. SexyVixen6969 was late getting me its column this week, lol so normally it will be on Wednesday. Hope you all enjoy.

Q: Dear SexyVixen6969,

 Is he just not that into me? Or is he just a face fucker?

I am currently seeing someone who kisses me as if kissing is an alternative form of sexual penetration. Imagine irrumatio, but replace the penis with the tongue. When he does this I usually just let my tongue lie in my mouth. This does not deter him in the least.

He’s not the kind of man who responds well to verbal criticism, so I can’t just talk to him about it over a latte. He usually picks up on subtle physical and sexual cues in the moment, but when he kisses me like he’s drilling cement he doesn’t seem to sense that I’m not enjoying it, no matter how unresponsive I am.

Are there subtle things I can do to show him that I like being kissed in a more gentle and traditional manner, short of covering his mouth with my hand?

If someone face fucks you instead of kissing you, is it more likely that they think it’s genuinely sexy, or that they are doing it consciously/subconsciously as a means of distancing themselves from you emotionally?

I really like him, but sometimes I wonder if he just sees me as an orifice.

Sincerely, TongueTraumaGoddess

A: Dear TongueTraumaGoddess,

I have some questions for you:

a.       Seeing someone? Are you dating this face fucker?

b.      After he drills your mouth with his tongue does he drill your hole with it?

c.       Do you like being viewed as an orifice?

When someone you are “seeing” is doing weird shit with his tongue that feels penetrative, it usually means he has NO idea what he’s doing. He probably has watched a lot of porn and just thinks this is how normal people kiss. I don’t think he is emotionally distancing himself via tonguing you aggressively.  If this guy is more fetishistic, then you need to give him a shot of whiskey and ask him if he is into tonguing, and then map out a way to make it work so you don’t feel like you’re being tongue raped. It all depends on your relationship with this lasher.

You’ve tried passive tonguing and seem frightened to talk to him, so here are your options:

The next time he goes in for a deep tonguing beat him to it. When he opens his mouth and approaches, you need to violently start lashing your tongue and start going tongue crazy. He will either hit you or retreat in confusion, hopefully, the latter. It is hard for dudes like that to see how they are coming off, so you have to mirror them to show them how ridiculous and out of touch they are.  When he says, “what the fuck?” you need to tell him to tongue you more in the vein of “waiting to exhale” rather than that of porn and ask him if you are just a hole to him. If he says “yes” then either leave, hit him, or say, “ok, let’s do this”. If he says “no”, then work it out and stop being frightened of confronting him. You are BOTH in this relationship, so you gotta make the sex part work for both of you. Don’t be so passive.

Or                                                                                                                                      

The next time he comes in for a tongue fuck, grab his head, spit in his mouth, and take him down south and shove his head in to your crotch and tell him to go insane. Don’t give him another option. If he tries to come up for air, choke him and push him back down until the job is done. Oh yeah, scream “C’MON C’MON C’MON “! I recommend this more for a trick or fuck buddy, you have nothing to lose since he sucks at tonguing.

Does he face fuck you with his cock? Maybe suggest he take his tongue energy and fuck your mouth with his cock instead. Remember steady breathing techniques.

If you don’t like being an orifice then maybe you should go to church or a ball game and meet a nice guy that doesn’t see you as just flesh with dick holes all over it. It’s all up to you!

Q: Dear SexyVixen6969, 

I've never had an orgasm. I don't know what to do? I've tried everything. I'm a girl in my late twenties and on the brink of hysteria. Any tips?

Sincerely, DamnedOpenings

A: Dear DamnedOpenings,

Sorry, I read your question but was too distracted by the long, deep, satiating, creamy orgasm I was just having. Phew! It feels great.

Maybe you should just have a baby and give up. Hopefully the baby will grow up to have a lifetime of orgasms since you can’t. Then you can resent your child and maybe then you will be able to cum from hate fucking yourself in your old age.

Or you can go here: www.cosmopolitan.com/sex.../Reasons-You-Dont-Have-an-Orgasm

Yeah, it’s cosmo.

Q: Dear SexyVixen6969, 

I just started dating an older guy. He's terrific. Mature, sexy, and super hot in bed. After dating and fucking so many guys my age and being unfulfilled, he's heaven sent. I've never been into older guys, but he's totally changed the way I think. He was over at my house and saw a picture of my dad. He asked about it and I told him he passed five years ago. The next night, he came over and kept calling me by my childhood nickname. Then, during sex, he kept telling me to call him "daddy." Here's the thing, I'm REALLY into it, do you think that's weird?

Sincerely, GhostDaddin'

A: Dear GhostDaddin'

Do I think it’s weird? Depends. I think if you are into it then maybe you should start dressing him exactly like your dad and introducing him as such to your friends. It will also be fun to take him to family dinners dressed like your dad and see who says something. The question you need to ask yourself is WHY are you into this? And more importantly, why is HE into this? Open discussion about this is very important. If you question his motives then you should tell him that you were lying and your dad is alive and see how he reacts or if he sticks around. I would worry more about intentions rather than weirdness. He might only be attracted to you because you are open to him assuming this role, and you have to ask yourself if you are into it. Also, if things get too emotionally entangled and intense as things progress within this paradigm then maybe going to therapy as daughter and dad might help. Introduce yourself as daughter and father for the first session and then on the second visit reveal the truth and see what the therapist says. If it doesn’t weird YOU out and you think this guy is not a total creep, then get your father daughter freak on.


 Q: Dear SexyVixen6969, 

Do you spit or swallow?

Sincerely, KeyBoarder26

A: Dear KeyBoarder26,

I literally read this question while chugging Nyquil and smoking a joint. It was fucking boring.

Theories about you:

a.       You’re a 14 year old who is jerking off right now.

b.      You’re a late twentysomething who is as interesting as a 14 year old.

c.       You are at a frat party perhaps jerking off with a buddy, but you TOTALLY aren’t gay.

d.      You have never pleasured a woman truly and probably never will.

e.       You are in your late twenties and have spent your whole romantic life leeching off of women. They pay your way, rent, etc. You prefer blowjobs because you are sexually inadequate and have never made your girlfriend/“daddy” cum. You don’t really do anything good for society and have never had a real job. Maybe someone should cum down your throat.

Oh, and I do swallow. I think its rude not to.

Q: Dear SexyVixen6969, 

What are your thoughts on "anal" and what song do you recommend when trying it for the first time?

Sincerely AnalTunesBro

A: Dear AnalTunesBro,

I would recommend Toto's "Africa."

Duh, I love anal.

Q: Dear SexyVixen6969, 

What's a "nice" way to ask a girl if she's a prostitute?

Sincerely, Anon

A: Dear "Anon,"

Throw a quarter at her and see what she does.

Also, ask yourself if you are a prostitute. Aren’t we all, given the right stack of change?

Q: Dear SexyVixen6969, 

Have you ever been with women? How many times? Thoughts?

Sincerely GirlonGirl

A: Dear GirlonGirl,

See my answer to the spit or swallow question.

Q: Dear SexyVixen6969,

I really want a threesome with two guys, but they have to be straight. That's what turns me on about the whole idea. I want them to make out and touch each other, while possibly looking and feeling awkward, bewildered and vulnerable. I feel like every guy secretly wants to, but they're too homophobic! How do I make this happen?

Sincerely SlutLyfeForev


A: Dear SlutLyfeForev,
Call a gay friend and ask him to go with you to a frat party. Once you are there get a couple drinks and both scope the situation. If certain guys ask if your friend is gay, say YES. If they respond nonchalantly and talk to him, then these are not your guys. If they freak out and threaten to kick your friend's ass then these are your guys. They want to fuck you with another dude so bad, trust. The thing is, the guy they will fool around with cannot be gay. You need to get drunk and start flirting with 2 of these guys and whisper in their ears and then get them good and drunk. After a few Mike’s Hards Lemonades, they will be ready. Trust. Take both of their hands and put them on your tits and then take them both by the hand to a bedroom. Strip your clothes off and tell them to do the same. Put them on each side of you and get to business and get them as close to each other as possible, and after a safe amount of time slowly back away and see what happens. Command them if they are being difficult. At the very least they will touch cocks. Hopefully each other.


Q: Dear SexyVixen6969,


whats a good way for a short guy to date a tall girl? how can you tell which ones would be open to it?


sincerely shorteeeeez

A: Dear Shorteeeeez,

Sweet lack of caps. I would suggest platforms and A LOT of liquor.

You are clearly uncomfortable with yourself and your height. Just find a tall girl that exhibits the same traits and appears to have VERY low self esteem. Duh.

Q: Dear sexyvixen6969, 

what's the best way to find a partner who is comfortable with nudism/naturism?

A: Dear ____________

You are a faggot. Take your zen, granola yoga fuckin' ass to a nudist colony and "get lost." I can tell that you are the same person who wrote the short bro question because you do not use caps. Guessing you have "autism." Thanks for the question.

Q: Dear SexyVixen6969,

Is it normal for a guy's hair color to change after you "turn him out?"

Sincerely TinglyCaliente

A: Dear TinglyCaliente,

I'm not platinum blonde from the hair salon, I'll tell you that much.

Q: Dear sexyvixen6969, 

How long is it appropriate to "take advantage" of your lovers corpse, should they die, to do all the crazy stuff you wanted to do when they were alive? What's the window before it becomes creepy/morally suspect? Follow up, what about saving body parts as moments? If yes, which ones would you recommend?

Sincerely NecROMANCER

A: Dear NecROMANCER,

You are "funny" and "irreverent." I feel like if you just eat their body, it's not morally suspect. You just love them so much that you want to have a part of them inside you forever. Afterwards, maybe, have a beer.

 



SexyVixen6969 believes you should make love not war.  She is a renegade, zen, yoga teacher, vegan celebrity stalker. At the age of 62 she has revolutionized sexuality and has slept with the likes of Bono, Hillary Clinton and Dennis Rodman, making her qualified to answer your boring sex questions. She lives in a commune outside of Joshua Tree with a couple of goats and a special guest. She likes frisbee, golf, and Nesquick. She occasionally takes acid with Peruvian sherpas ritualistically and wakes up outside of an Anaheim Lane Bryant. She was incarcerated for stalking Paula Cole and made a politically charged album in the early 90s. 



 


 


 

 

 

Hi.

I'm just glad the internet has created so many spaces for you to showcase that you are human filth : )

Untitled

I'm unhappy for you.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Just Asking

Do you REALLY have "autism" though? Or like, are you just a really boring, shitty person from the midwest typing "tweets" with a blunted, characterless affect hoping someone will suck your dick out of sympathy?

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Let's Pretend That It's Wednesday, And A Bright Sunny Day

Today is the worst day in recent memory. I bow to you, I bow to you, I bow to you. I woke up around 10 AM and started sobbing when I realized I couldn't sleep anymore, and I cried until I couldn't cry anymore, because my head was pounding so badly which was about two hours ago, then I started laughing.

I watched the video where Bud Dwyer blows his brains out like 37 times and thought, "Hey man, nice shot."

Everything is fine though.

Tomorrow is new column day! Just pretend it's the day I said it would be.

ADDED NOTE:

I started crying again for like another hour. I don't even remember the last time I really, for real life cried about something. I cried so much my entire face hurts, like behind my head and into my cheeks and jaw. I didn't even know that was possible. I'm going to drink wine and take prescriptions and feel really sad again when I still exist tomorrow. Really looking forward to it. See you then.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

ME, ME, ME, ME

A version of my short story "Buffalo Tofu" and an essay by ME are published in the Fall issue of Crossed Out Magazine. You can read them HERE!!! This blog is simply not enough. There will never be enough things by ME to satiate the world.

I hate my own writing, I think, lol. Feel like, I "fucking suck." But you should read Crossed Out and submit things there because Jack Hill is sweet ass/sweet ass/sweet ass.

I think there will be answers to your "great" questions tomorrow.

Also, you guys, one of my most favorite people in the whole world is involved in a video contest, and it would be REALLY "kind" (lol) if you would vote for his videos. It's kind of like..."lame" because you have to "sign up" and you're going to think like, ef this, I'm not taking 20 seconds to sign up for this shit, I need to look at  people's shitty party pics and children in the feed, but like, he would appreciate it, and I would appreciate it too : )

I used an emoticon guys. Just.Do.It. Did you know the Nike slogan was inspired by Gary Gilmore's last words before the firing squad? Now you do.

VOTE FOR THIS SHIT.

His videos are called "Harvest" and "Cultural Empowerment." Thank you.

Monday, August 20, 2012

"Edgy" Excerpt


"We were watching The Secret. Seriously. He had put it on when I showed up at his house hysterical after he wouldn’t take my calls. He told me he was going to use it to make a million dollars that year while I pretended I wasn’t swallowing back my own puke. “I just want to make you feel better,” he said, later, and I thought, “J is selfless,” but of course, by that time, his dick was out."




Saturday, August 18, 2012

Untitled

I have an overwhelming desire to snort mountains of cocaine.

ADDED NOTE: I mean SWIM has an overwhelming desire to snort mountains of cocaine.

Untitled

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Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Fuck It

You know in "Irresponsible Hate Anthem" where Marilyn Manson just screams "FUCK IT" over and over. I kind of feel like that's like exactly what's going on in my head all the time as I'm like, talking to people and doing daily activities. Like, I have a kind of barely sad/ expressionless face, but in my head there's a soundtrack of "FUCK IT, FUCK IT, FUCK IT."

And yeah, I listen to Marilyn Manson on the reg because I'm a teen goth forever.

I have the kind of anxiety where I want to like, rip chunks of my flesh off. I can't though, you know, because I can't show up to a job interview looking like a bathsalty motherfucker.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Ice Angel

So, earlier I was getting drunk with a bunch of people, well actually, I wasn't getting drunk. I had one drink the whole night. It seems like I was in a mood where even feeding liquor into my mouth hole seemed too exhausting a prospect. At some point someone poured me tequila out of a bottle shaped like a buddha. I stood there staring at it for like 30 seconds without moving, and then they cocked their head and said, "Do you need a straw?"

I showed up late, and everyone was kind of "shit faced." I don't know. Everyone was talking about their  "exciting" careers and they kept "reminiscing" about things, and yelling things that seemed non sequitur. At some point someone brought up the olympics and there was a long period of time where a bunch of people just yelled out names of people who competed in the olympics. Like someone would be like, "Michael Phelps" and someone was like, "Bruce Jenner," and other people, and then someone was like "Flo Jo" and then some really drunk person kind of slurred out, "She's dead..." and then everyone was silent for a little while and then someone was like, "Yeah. That's sad."

Okay, so, it reminded me of this "funny" story from when I was a kid, but it's kind of complicated to explain. I used to hang out with a girl because of close proximity, and since I didn't really have any "friends" or like a "family," she used that as an opportunity to constantly be as shitty as possible, lol. Like, she would basically say things like, "If you don't do everything I say, you can sit here by yourself in the corner and I'll go play with other people and we'll come back and make fun of you," which like, at the time, was sort of like, "emotionally distressing" to me. So anyway, during the time of the 1994 winter olympics, I was in second grade, I think, she made me play this game where...(I'm like, laughing alone in the dark as I'm typing this) she made me play this game where, she was Nancy Kerrigan because Nancy Kerrigan was beautiful and "America's Sweetheart" and stuff, and I was Tanya Harding because she was like a trashy meth bitch or whatever, and so, I would have to be Tanya Harding, and I would have to act out like, "clubbing" her while other children like scowled and booed and she pretended to cry, but then she would do a fake skating routine and everyone would clap and like, put a tiara on her head or something.

So, one of the dudes at this "gathering" was like "famous" in the 80s or something, and he said, "You should tell your friends that I don't even know what Facebook is. Like, isn't it just, essentially a storage space? Isn't it just a place where people are like, 'Here's a picture of my dog, and here's a picture of me holding a big ass fish. Why does anyone care?' Tell your friends I don't know what Facebook is if you want." I just kind of stared for a long time and didn't say anything. And then this woman started talking about how she's  tired of being drunk and rich and just wants to like, be a midwife. Then everyone started talking about "healthcare" and malpractice insurance and stuff, and then I made a "joke" about how I maybe have an eye infection and hope I just die, and no one thought that it was "funny" and then I felt the feeling where I want to commit suicide every time I say something out loud, and then this woman started telling me I have stuff to live for, and that all I need to do is like, get a tincture drop of my own piss and put it in my eye because it cures "conjunctivitis."

Basically, in my mind, I just kept thinking like, "I think my 'soul' only exists like five percent," and like, "I'm pretty much 'already dead.'" And then as I was leaving this woman gave me a bunch of fur coats, and just said, "Take these, and, you know, whatever you can get for them," and then she handed me a bottle that's specifically made for collecting piss.

"The One That Got Away"

"'Just to think of it makes me sick,' 'It made me lose my appetite,' 'It turned my stomach,' are well-known sentences that translate the difficulty in digesting what one is thinking about.


This is what nausea is. It represents the sick feeling about something that is going on in a person’s life. Someone or something is making this person sick.

Vomit is an even more categorical expression of revolt and defence. Vomiting simply means refusal to accept. 'I am not digesting this.'"

My eye is is red and watering and I thought, "Maybe I have an infection in my eye," and then I thought of that "joke" people tell where someone is like "What's the republicans' healthcare plan?" and someone is like, "Don't get sick, lol." Then I thought about like, christian scientists and I was like, "That seems right." Like, I just want to die of a really bad cough or something.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Teen Dream

I applied for an art department job for a "bdsm" porn company. Seems like there's almost nothing I would rather do. Found it randomly and peed a little. Felt "cosmic."

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Untitled

My brain is depressed to the point of cognitive negation. It's "full up like a landfill."

I have hundreds of unpublished drafts of things that I wrote when my brain was somewhat less useless. Here are some excerpts:

"Sometimes I just wanna say something like, 'Your career advice is even less exciting than your lazy fucks.'"

"In summation, TL;DR"

"Someone texted 'YOLO' to me. I texted back 'BNA (born never asked.)'"

"When I think of truly hating someone, I think like, if I saw that person in public, I would have a difficult time not physically attacking them. Like, I might have to take infinity xanax to avoid grabbing for their throat. I think like, If I could murder that person without getting in trouble, believe me I would."

"I love how little people care for and respect each other. It's beautiful."

"Everyone I know will be married in five years."

"When do you think the phase of thinking your life is 'performance art' and thinking thinking that is a novel concept hits its peak?"

 

 

Monday, August 6, 2012

My Depression is Boring

I want to feel something else. Here is a list of the feelings I can have. Pick two.[gallery]

Sunday, August 5, 2012

This is what I feel like on the inside



My soul is a charmom

#cowtown

I had a dream that every time I got on a plane, it crashed or nearly crashed.

"Why wasn't I dead, and why did I keep getting on planes?" "it" asked.

 

For Austin: Bump & Grind Slow Jams

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Someone Told Me

Alice Cooper had a brand of mascara in the 70s that came in a green tube. Can someone please confirm or deny this?

I NEED to know.

 

I'm sorry I'm such an asshole. I really am sorry. I have a lot "going on." I'm a berrinche bitch.

I wanted to say, "I'm sorry I'm such an asshole. I'm just 'self aware.'" It just seemed like confirmation of the fact that I'm an asshole.

I'm going to buy a bottle of JD and go down to cowtown, I think.

I'm Going To Write An "Edgy" Short Story Collection

It will have a short conversation at the beginning, a "dedication" of sorts. It will be a story someone told me earlier.

"I got the floor so clean. Like my father would say, 'It's shinin' like a (racial slur used to describe black people)'s heel. Isn't that fucked up? And then my mom would say, 'Bill, not in front of the kids.' Then he would say, 'I'd rather you married a (racial slur to describe black people) than a guinnea. No daughter of mine's going to marry a fucking wop.'"

It has no relevance to the collection of short stories, it's just "edgy."

These are the story titles in order of appearance:

The first time I 'tried' anal

I'm not going to put a 'period' story in this book because 'periods' are for FAT, DISGUSTING, FUCKED, LONELY WHALES with no self control

Everyone I've had sex with*

CRY MYSELF BLIND: I have feelings J/k I don't

Every time I see my dad he tells me I need botox : (

The SCARFACE poster date rape

Partially living fuck doll

I'm killing myself because you unfollowed me on twitter

I'll sext you in hell

 

*as a child

I'm serious. I'm so, SO serious.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday, August 3, 2012

Murders and Stufff

I was thinking about my daily activities, like "working" and "writing" and "eating" and "going on the elliptical machine" and "playing the piano" and I just kept thinking, "How can I turn this into a murder charge?"

I started thinking about motivation, and I wondered what is a stronger motivator out of food and sex. I thought about people who are like 3-500 lbs and thought, "Food is pretty fucking intense." But then I thought like,  I can't imagine anyone doing 25 to life for food. I googled, "Murders involving food," but really couldn't find anything. Seems like murders involving sex are like every murder.

I thought about how everyone I know has an eating disorder of some kind, and how funny it is when people talk about "giving up on life" in the context of what they ate that day.

I started thinking about fashion and like, fashion "faux pas" like, wearing a fedora and other things, and then I thought, sometimes people wear them because they have no self awareness, and sometimes people wear them because they are rebellious. Like, "Fuck you, I'm going to wear a fedora."

It seems like "self aware" is like, my least favorite phrase that's ever been created. It seems like every time someone accuses someone else of "being a dick" someone is like, "Yeah, but like, you're also a fucking dick," and then the person is like, "Yeah, but I'm 'self aware' though." And then I kind of don't want to live anymore.

 

What "Irony" Means To Me

Misappropriation.

I read something where someone was like, "This is the worst blog ever!" Regarding their own writing. I thought, seems like that's what "irony" is. It's like, hating yourself, and putting your worst fears "out there" for everyone to see as a built in failure mechanism.

It's sort of like saying, "I hate myself."

But also saying, "Unless of course YOU like me, in which case, I'm just being 'ironic.'"

If you actually do hate me though, I already "put it out there" that this is the worst blog, EVER!! So there's nothing you can say to me that I haven't already said.

"I'm untouchable, fuckers!"

 

 

Somebody Somewhere

Is so sick of your shit, boo.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

I Have "Psychological Problems"

It seems like sometimes someone will ask me about something, and I will feel a little "passionate" for a moment. Like, I have a lot of "feelings" for a moment, and then at the end of expressing my "feelings" I kind of want to die.

Sometimes right before I have an orgasm, there's this brief moment, where I'm like, but I don't want to have an orgasm, because then this will be "over" and then in a split second, I think about like having sex with that person again, like later, like there's this brief, hopeful, kind of moment, where I'm like, but when it's over, it will be okay, because I can do this again. Then when it's over, I want to die, and like, leave, and like, never have sex again, and the short hopeful moment, feels like "disgusting" to me, or something.

Talking is kind of the same. I talk, and I'm really excited for a moment, and then when it's like "over" I feel like I just had like a "moment" with that person and I just want to like die and leave, and never talk again.

I don't know.

"LOL."