"We were watching The Secret. Seriously. He had put it on when I showed up at his house hysterical after he wouldn’t take my calls. He told me he was going to use it to make a million dollars that year while I pretended I wasn’t swallowing back my own puke. “I just want to make you feel better,” he said, later, and I thought, “J is selfless,” but of course, by that time, his dick was out."