I lit the filter of a cigarette earlier, and thought, I really like when I am sober and light the filter of my cigarette. I don't have any excuse other than I am retarded.
Then I thought, I like how I started smoking as a "cool" kid listening to Joy Division with swoopy bangs and DIY prison tats, not realizing that one day I'd be an old, leathery hag with dark circles and a stoma or whatever, lol. The thing is, I REALLY want to quit smoking, but feel that it's somehow not possible. I thought, would I s someone's d for a pack of smokes? No. Well, then surely, this isn't such a serious situation. I need to get some nicotine gum or something, but every time I think of that, I think,
"You are a fucking pussy."
Anyway, the thing is, it reminded me of this time when my friend gave my other friend a blow job for a pack of cigarettes. I thought about it, and was like, yeah, that really happened. It wasn't like...a dire situation. It wasn't like she didn't have money or anything, I don't even think we were like...drunk or high. It was just like...something that probably started out as a joke and then became serious. Like, I feel like it was probably like, the dude had gotten a free pack of cigarettes, like buy one get one cigarettes, and she needed cigarettes and he was like, "I'll give you this pack if you give me a blow job," and then she did.
I feel like...when I think of this person in my head, she doesn't seem like a real person. She's looks like someone who would be in Maxim's "Hometown Hotties" or something, and she worked in a coal mine. Like literally, like, people who die in mines type shit.
When she was in Vegas, she went to get a drunk tattoo, and she said she wanted a tattoo of the earth with a peace sign in the middle. I'm laughing really hard while typing this because like, who the fuck wants that as a tattoo, drunk or otherwise, but so, somehow, I don't know if the tattoo guy was like "punking" her or whatever, but somehow she wound up with a tattoo of a basketball on fire on her ankle, lol. I feel like it was one of those things that was a deep dark secret, and I don't know why she showed it to me, but she did, and obviously, since I'm mean and an asshole, her nickname for the rest of school was "Hoop Dreams."
She was dating a guy who got mad one night because he couldn't satisfy her sexually so he punched her in the vagina, lol. She took him out to breakfast to break up with him and my best friend and I really wanted to go with. Not because we were particularly interested in the breakup, but because we didn't know the dude very well, and we wanted an opportunity to get to know this vagina puncher before it was too late. She told us we couldn't and that we were like fucked up bad people for wanting to do that. Like, that being broken up with is humiliating enough or whatever, and we got really mad at her and planned this elaborate funeral for her. Like, we were going to wait for her to come home and then invite her to a "party" in a park across the street and then when she got there, it would be an elaborate funeral service for our friendship.
Sometimes I just want to type an exhaustive list of all the ways in which I'm an asshole.
Oh yeah, this is another story involving tattoos. I was in OKC for my birthday, I think this was like two years ago, and she flew in from LA to hang out for my birthday, and she kept trying to convince me to get a tattoo of her name and I was drunkenly like, okay, whatever, let's do it. So, she then asked, "What are you going to tell people when they ask about it?" and I said, I will just tell them you're my dead friend. So, somehow this conversation got started about preemptive memorial tattoos, like, getting a tattoo for a dead friend in anticipation of their death, and then, somehow, our other friend...I don't know why HE wound up getting the tattoo instead of me, but like, thank god, anyway, he got this giant chest tat that says R.I.P. (her name) with her date of birth and an open space for her date of death. He also has a tattoo under his lip that says, "Taco" that he got on Cinco de Mayo.
So anyway, that's that. Quitting smoking just got me to thinking about how much I miss "Hoop Dreams."