Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Thinking About Posting This On Missed Connections


" You: hot black guy in an escalade with two REALLY nerdy looking white dudes, like, dudes who look like they love metal and  D+D. You said, 'Yo ma, come holla at me for a minute.'

Me: Tall ass, tragic looking blonde bitch with heavy eye makeup. I said, 'No, no, no,' while laughing and pacing back and forth.

I regret not 'holla-ing' at you, for real. I need to know more. I need to know what your 'deal' is. I need to know what your relaish is with the D+D dudes. If you read this, get at me."

I think my favorite relationship situation I was ever in was a couple of years ago. I was dating two people at the same time, that I feel like equaled one relationship. One of the dudes was this really androgynous, beautiful, artist/musician who was the best kisser ever in the history of the world. Whenever he kissed me, it felt like a movie moment or something, but he didn't have sex! Like, he didn't "do the deed." Not sure what the deal was. He had "mad issues." We would just make out and smoke pot and eat xanax and chat and he drew me amazing pictures.

The other guy was a high school student (seriously, he was 18 though.) He was dumb (as fuck), all we ever did was play chess and have sex. He was a severe alcoholic. Sometimes I would spend the night at his house, and I would be like in his bed with no clothes on, and his dad would come in and tell him he had to like wake up for school or whatever, lol. He was also REALLY "hot." One time, I took him to a party with my artsy elitist friends and someone drunkenly asked, "What are your passions? What are the most important things to do?" Everyone had these really obvious, "smart people" answers, like, "True love," and, "My art," and other things. When it was the high school student's turn he said, "Pussy and guns," LOL.

I could have stayed in that relationship forever, I think, but the good kissing asexual dude moved to Iowa, and the high school student joined the military. I don't know you guys. I don't know.

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