Sunday, October 14, 2012

SEXCAPADES (Because It Might As Well Be Wednesday When Everyday Is Exactly The Same)

Did you know that unripe kiwis taste exactly like cum? So does hydrogen peroxide. Exactly the same. If you were dying to find out "no homo" here's your opportunity. Wasn't that an "edgy" thing to say!
Without further ado...

Dear SexyVixen6969,

What is sex?



Dear Whereonthedolldidhetouchyou,

Here's a lil something I've cooked up for you!

In recent years, important changes in public policies and attitudes have resulted in improved opportunities for people with physical and mental disabilities. Now, people living with disabilities assume their rightful place in society as the equals of non-disabled people. Unfortunately, societal attitudes have changed less in regard to sexuality and disability. Even today, many people refuse to acknowledge that all people have sexual feelings, needs, and desires, regardless of their physical and/or mental abilities. As a result, many young people who live with disabilities do not receive sex education, either in school or at home.

This summary addresses sex education for youth who live with physical and/or mental disabilities—including, but not limited to hearing, sight, and motor function impairments; Down syndrome; cerebral palsy; paraplegia and quadriplegia; developmental disorders; and mental health issues. Beginning with a few statistics on disability among American youth and an overview of common myths and facts about the sexuality of people living with disabilities, the document also provides general guidelines for parents of physically or mentally challenged children and youth and offers a select, annotated bibliography of sex education materials and resources.*

Are Disabilities Common among Children and Youth?

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, about 5.2 million American youth, ages five through 20 had some long-term physical, mental, or emotional disabling condition.[1]
In the United States, nearly one million youth, ages three through 17 are deaf or hard of hearing.[2]
Each year, about 5,000 infants and toddlers and up to 1,500 preschoolers are diagnosed with cerebral palsy. Experts also estimate that two of every 1,000 infants born in this country has cerebral palsy.[3]
In the United States, nearly 94,000 school age children are blind. Of these, nearly 11,000 are both deaf and blind.[4]
According to experts, about 7,800 Americans suffer spinal cord injuries each year—most (82 percent) occur among males and most frequently at age 19.[5]
Myths and Facts about Sexuality and Disability

Many people believe myths about the sexuality of people who live with disabilities. Common myths:

People with disabilities do not feel the desire to have sex.
People with developmental and physical abilities are child-like and dependent.
People with disabilities are oversexed and unable to control their sexual urges.[7]
Myth 1: People with disabilities are not sexual. All people—including young people—are sexual beings, regardless of whether or not they live with physical, mental, or emotional disabilities. And, all people need affection, love and intimacy, acceptance, and companionship.[6,7] At the same time, children and youth who live with disabilities may have some unique needs related to sex education. For example, children with developmental disabilities may learn at a slower rate than do their non-disabled peers; yet their physical maturation usually occurs at the same rate. As a result of normal physical maturation and slowed emotional and cognitive development, they may need sex education that builds skills for appropriate language and behavior in public. In another example, paraplegic youth may need reassurance that they can have satisfying sexual relationships and practical guidance on how to do so.[6,7,8,9]

Myth 2: People with disabilities are childlike and dependent. This idea may arise from a belief that a disabled person is somehow unable to participate equally in an intimate relationship. Societal discomfort—both with sexuality and also with the sexuality of people who live with disabilities—may mean that it is easier to view anyone who lives with disabilities as an ‘eternal child.’ This demeaning view ignores the need to acknowledge the young person’s sexuality and also denies her/his full humanity.[6,7,8,9]

Myth 3: People with disabilities cannot control their sexuality. This myth spins off the other two—if people with disabilities are neither asexual nor child-like, then they perhaps they are ‘oversexed’ and have ‘uncontrollable urges’. Belief in this myth can result in a reluctance to provide sex education for youth with disabilities. The reality is that education and training are key to promoting healthy and mutually respectful behavior, regardless of the young person’s abilities.[6,7,8,9]

To begin with, acknowledge that everyone, including your child, is sexual—and has sexuality related emotions and desires.
Before you start a conversation with your child, make sure you know your own values and beliefs. Be honest with yourself.
Be ready to assert your personal privacy boundaries. For example, say forthrightly, if asked, that you will not discuss your own private sexual behavior.
Start talking with your children about sexuality while they are very young. Do not wait until they reach puberty (or later) for these conversations!
Use accurate language for body parts and bodily functions. Research shows that when a child has accurate language for private body parts, she/he is more likely to report abuse, if it occurs, than when the child lacks appropriate language.[8]
Identify times to talk and communication strategies that work best for you and your child. For example, the best time might be Saturday morning on the way to a sports event or after school while you share a snack. Your best strategy might be to play word games. For someone else, other times and strategies might work best.
Avoid times and strategies that do not work well for your children and your situation. For example, you may be unable to carry on a coherent conversation while driving. Or word games may confuse your child.
Be clear when discussing relationships. For example, calling your spouse ‘Mommy’ or ‘Daddy’ can confuse a child and send confusing messages about family relationships and about sexuality; instead explain the relationship. “Your Mommy is my wife, so I call her Sarah, not Mommy.” Or you might say, “Your Uncle Leroy is my brother, like Jason is your brother. Leroy is your uncle, because he is my brother. When you have kids, Jason will be their uncle.”
Use photos, pictures, and other visual materials as often as possible. Showing family photos may help your child to understand different types of families and relationships.
Use ‘teachable moments’ that arise in daily life. For example, talk about a neighbor’s new pregnancy or a friend’s upcoming marriage, divorce, move, operation, or retirement.
Be honest when your child asks questions. If you don’t know the answer, say so. Say you will find the answer and then do so. Be sure to get back to your child with the answer to her/his question.
Always acknowledge and value your child’s feelings and experience. Offer praise and support. Remember that minimizing how he/she feels is not a good way to build trust when talking about sensitive subjects. For example, “That’s a good question, and it is one I have had in the past, too.” Or, “I’m glad you feel happy when we talk. I feel happy, too.”
Be willing to repeat information over time. Don’t be impatient or expect your child to remember everything you said or to have entirely understood it.
Use all the reliable sources of information available to you—other parents whom you trust, the public library, reliable Web sites, local bookstores, educators, and health care providers. Information may be particularly useful to you when it comes from reputable organizations that deal with disabilities and/or sexuality. Be wary of relying on material that is negative about sexuality as such materials can limit your ability to be your child’s primary sex educator.

Dear SexyVixen6969,

How do I stop queefing?



Dear HotAirMama,

I want to know how much you are queefing. A queef here and there is whatever, but if you are queefing more than twice during a slam session you might need it sewn up down there. Or else. A queef is really just the ghosts of past lovers trying to escape and attack new ones. When they seap out they scream, and your sex partners cock tries to perform an exorcism and push the queef ghost back inside of your hole to attack another lover at a later date. If you are queefing off tha' chain, then perhaps a shaman, a friend of your father, or an old school priest is in order to perform some sort of ritual. It sounds like you have a lot of ghosts up in there. What a whore.


a. Try peanut butter?


b. OWN your is not only your queef, but also belongs to the one slammin' that thang. I am occasionally a male, and queefing happens during anal sex too. You gotta slap your lover when that happens to distract for your collective queef, and then pull him in even harder. Just act crazier. You are crazier than your queef, remember that.

c.Tell you lover to slow down, but that's boring....I'd rely on the first two for best results.

Dear SexyVixen6969,

Why do aliens want my ass so bad?



Dear TheXXXFiles,

Have you ever heard a female alien abductee claim she was probed anally? I haven't. I am curious if you have. My theory is that heterosexual farmin' men really have repressed anal sex fantasies. They could never admit this, so obviously, they either manifest their anal fantasies into that of an alien abduction, or simply go out to rest stops and get anonomously get rammed in the ass by truckers. In an attempt to do some damage control on their guilt of such fantasies or actions, they claim they were abducted by aliens and probed in the ass. Think of it as a confession of sorts, but instead of being stoned to death in town for being a faggot, they become "celebrities" and no one judges them for their secret anal life.

Another theory I have is that aliens have developed far superior medical technology enabling them to live for hundreds of years. Imagine the ennui. They don't really look like aliens but dress like that because they are drunk and bored. They come here to fuck with people. Drunk, bored, and dressed in costumes, seeming terrifying, they decide to slide weird things in your ass - things like wine corks (their wine corks are far more developed than ours and resemble futuristic probes). When they wake up the next day, they see a fat redneck lying there with a cork in its ass and laugh, remembering that they were "wkd wasted" the previous night. They then throw the fat, confused redneck off of the ship into a field and go back to their planet hungover to watch netflix and eat ice cream.

Also, who doesn't want dat ass? Its universal, bitches.

Dear SexyVixen6969,

What are some small girl tall guy sex positions?



Dear Pintsizepussy,

This question weirds me out so I got the answer from an old veteran on a message board. Hope it works for your aesthetically awkward "encounters," besos.

As a woman I knew once said, "we are all the same height in the horizontal" And I saw your question earlier, but don't actually see the problem.

Like any couple, there are limited ways that you can put item "a" into hole "b", and I don't see how a height difference would hinder any of them in any way.

For doggie, it is always a problem to line up the guys penis to the womans vagina for a good direct shot, this seems the same for you. But if you are on the floor, I doubt very much she is that short that she you could screw her without kneeling down. If she has to kneel, she can use a pillow to adjust someone's height.

For you on your back, with your legs in the air, I don't think height makes any difference. Certainly not if you have your knees by your ears.

Ok, 69 might not work, but it isn't that much fun anyway.

Spooning on your side would work no matter what the size. In the bath tub would be fine. On the floor would be fine. Sitting on his lap, impaled, and facing ( or awayfrom) him while he is on a chair doesn't make any difference in height.

Standing might be a problem, but if she were on a stool, it would work. And I found it easier if the woman wrapped her legs around me while I was standing. She is held up by a penis in the pussy, and hands under her ass, while she held on around my neck. I just don't see any height dependency.

You have a joint goal. Get his penis into your vagina. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Dear SexyVixen6969,

Why do Asian guys have such small dicks?



Dear Pokemonpeepeez,

I guess calling them cocks isn't appropriate seeing as whoever asking this is racist enough to imply that they are I will play along and call them, lil' sailors.
Personally, I only feel comfortable saying cock if it is a big one.
So, lets do this...
I am drinking coffee and listening to nasty music and contemplating whether race has anything to do with the size of lil' sailors. Thank god for the internet so that people with usernames like "fungus" can answer this on message boards contemplating the exact questions. Here is one response in regard to the race question:
by Fungus
Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

In most cases it is true.. You see in pornos..its like tiny.

Here are in order of largest penis.:

1. Native Americans
2. Africans
4. Hispanics
5. Asian/Indians
Also, I have questions as to how "fungus" obtained this info. Behind a dumpster? Craigslist m4m ads requesting a taste of all nationalities? Teachers?

You think that "Fungus" would go on to explain how he knows this, but instead concludes with this:
"Well i am asian/south american/russian but more asian genes and im approx 22cm when erect. So in this case it is not true but also cause i am mixed "

Good to know.

Kept searching the internet and found this from user "Gemini" :
"From what I have seen in men's changing room randomly, you can say yes and no.
Yes is for older asian men, like over 40 and 50 years old. They came from Asia after WWII due to server poor nutrition condition when they were growing up so their body types are much smaller than the new generation asian dudes. (my dad is 5'6", my mom is 5'2". I am almost 6'1" and I am 196 lbs).

The new generation asian dudes are pretty fine. Of course not like those crazy black hung over 27 inches but my cousin got a huge one.

Mine was measured by my ex girlfriend before we got it on and my size is 6.9 inches length and the girth is a little bit beyond average.

I am asian (minority Chinese) so I guess mine is OK. Average penis size around the world is around 5.6 inches - 6.2 inches."

Ok. Is it me or is that the most questionable answer?
"from what I've seen in the changing room"?
"my cousin got a huge one"?

This doesn't really answer anything, except now I know the size of 2 internet folks lil' sailors.

So, I'll rephrase the questions a little..

Why do Asian people have smaller penis than others?

This was also a question from someone going by the username "Salt":

"Even not all of them are small. Is it because of the food they eat? Or because of the masturbation?"

Here is one of the responses:
by Sonnie
My penis is larger than yours and I'm Asian. You definitely are a stereotype and believe on everything you hear. The fact is, most people with a height of 5'4" and below have a small penis such as yours.

So then I found maybe the best thing ever. A message board that regards itself as "The Finest Azn Forum".
Long behold, they're talking about the same thing and have slightly more non questionable answers than the others.
Here is what they are saying at "The Finest Azn Forum":
Nov 24 2011, 03:11 PM
People will flame me for saying this but I do believe that the "small penis" and the "small breasts" stereotypes have some truth among Asians. The reason is because us Asians don't produce as much hormones as other races. We are more likely to be androgynous. Our ancestors evolved in Siberia where the climate was very harsh. It's not a good idea to have kids too soon in such an environment.

Asians who seem more endowed tend to have Australoid mixture.

Note: I am only talking about Mongoloids like East Asians, Altaic nomads, Siberian natives, Eskimos, and some Southeast Asians. I am not talking about part-Australoids from Malaysia/Indonesia.
Nov 24 2011, 03:43 PM
doubt theres any significant difference. the data i saw was done in asian countries during periods around world war 2 when everyone was starving.

you get an height of less than 5'6 and starvation prevalent and you are shocked the penis is also smaller? stupid. their whole avg bodies were smaller.

measured data for asians who grow up in the west say would be worth comparing. but group thing is pointless, you should know your own penis size. as vulgar as i think it is to talk about your own penis online, im a little bigger than average (which to me is 5 inches). the only time ive seen 3 or 4 inch from asians is japanese porn. and i heard they do it on purpose because they dont want the viewer to feel insecure that only large penises can have sex. which imo, is not something i would be surprised for japanese culture. makes sense to me theyd do something like that.
Nov 24 2011, 04:16 PM
i wish i had one of those monster cocks that frighten women. and if they try to tackle it, they end up sobbing in pain.

And then "Samnang" proceeded to post a picture of a Pringles can.

I this answers some questions:

SexyVixen6969 believes you should make love not war.  She is a renegade, zen, yoga teacher, vegan celebrity stalker. At the age of 62 she has revolutionized sexuality and has slept with the likes of Bono, Hillary Clinton and Dennis Rodman, making her qualified to answer your boring sex questions. She lives in a commune outside of Joshua Tree with a couple of goats and a special guest. She likes frisbee, golf, and Nesquick. She occasionally takes acid with Peruvian sherpas ritualistically and wakes up outside of an Anaheim Lane Bryant. She was incarcerated for stalking Paula Cole and made a politically charged album in the early 90s. 

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