So I quit smoking, when I wrote about how I needed to quit smoking, I just quit smoking. I don't know when that was, like one...two weeks ago? It still feels horrible. Everyone is like...you just gotta get through the first 48 hours. Don't listen to those people. People tell me like...they still want to smoke after like 48 years.
It's not that I care about dying. I TOTALLY don't care about dying. At all, it's just that, genetically, I look like a zombie/vampyre already, and I feel like...that "look" like, that of a typical cancer patient/junkie, does not age well, lol. And I feel like it will age even worse with smokers wrinkles and a stoma, I don't know.
I don't know which instinct is more intense. Part of me is just like FUCK IT, I will just like get a face lift and smoke camel filters from the hole in my neck. I don't know. I have intense feelings of wanting to choke someone out. I feel "tense."