Tuesday, November 13, 2012



Look at this bone I got for my dog. It's a fucking moccasin guys. The dollar store is incredible.

I'm more excited about watching The Canyons than like anything ever. Looks like an unintentionally terrible film being "marketed" as an intentionally terrible film that was conceived on a 48 hr coke binge.

I want to fuck the guy who works at the library. What should I do? Should I write him a note? Should I just like dress really "cute" and go there and stare at him? Should I ask him for a book recommendation and then impress him with my vast knowledge of "relevant" literature?

Should I just be like, "Hey, I want to talk to you about books and then fuck you. What do you think?" lol.

Dang you guys. I love him.

SexyVixen where u at? I have another question for you also. Pretty much every man I've ever met refuses to eat white sauces or condiments. What's up with that?


  1. Simply go up to him and ask for a book. Karma Sutra or Helter Skelter will do. He will either take you to look for the book or simply hand it to you. When he does this you must accidentally graze his hand (perhaps with a bookmark, feather, or tit), and then wink conspicuously while exhaling slowly and loudly. You should probably be wearing your best Christian sororiety sister whore look (a la Sarah Michelle Gellar Scream 2) or just wear a bikini. If for some reason he doesn't respond to this, then begin to stalk him. Make it perfectly apparent that you are following him, and literally around EVERY corner. Maybe even peep around the corner of a bookshelf while hes sitting at a desk 20 ft away. Or flash him on the way to his car. So many possibilities.
    If he tells you where the book is rather than showing you, then remark, "hey, I'm really smart, fun, and obvi sexy. Do you want to get a drink? Maybe at Chillis or simply in the parking lot behind a car?"
    I believe in you.
    Lobsters4eva ---------new tattoo

  2. P.S. Is white sauces code for something?
    Or literally tar tar sauce or mayo?

  3. Tar tar sauce....ahahahahahaha. Yeah. Literally talking about mayo/tar tar sauce.

    So, I cut my face. Don't ask me how because I don't know. I have really bad nightmares and like often wake up with unexplained cuts/bruises, but so somehow I cut my face right underneath one nostril so it looks like I have a permanent cocaine nose bleed. I think it will make me look more sexy and dangerous.

    I imagined someone using "white sauce" as a "code" in a sexual situation and laughed and laughed as I drove in the car with my coke nose.

    When I was 16 I only wanted to fuck people that were 45, now that I'm 45 I only want to fuck people who are 16, where will it end sexyvixen?

    I'm a lobster.

  4. I also just thought about saying, "Hey, do you wanna get a drink in the parking lot behind my car?" to a person. I imagined saying it with a permanent cocaine nose bleed, dressed like I'm going to a father daughter dance and it seems like the stuff dreams are made of. That's not just "breed hole" material, it's marriage material.

  5. Who is going to say no to getting a drink in the parking lot behind my car to someone with a permanent cocaine nose bleed while dressed in father/daughter dance wear? NO ONE.
    He would be insane to say no.
    For christ sakes, you're a 45 year old man. No one says no to you.
    Can you ask him today?
    Maybe you'll be able to upgrade your library card.
    Maybe xerox yr face with the library copy machine and then write your number on the back of it and slide it his way.

  6. Sent you a "pic" of my nose. It's so good, right? Lol@photocopying my face. Lolololololololololol. God. I wish I was actually ridiculous enough to do that. Maybe I'll just load up on "liquid courage" and see where that gets me. Doing anything with my face like this seems hilarious.