Friday, May 31, 2013

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"Please 'intelligently' justify your feelings about Taylor Swift," I thought.

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When I think about it, "Because that's the way it is," is actually, like, the most valid response I can think of.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Eat (Medication) When You Feel Sad

Anonymous: "Hey could you tell me what you think of this model, I'm curious" *picture attached*

24 hrs later

"Hey, seems 'cute.' Sorry. I ate a lot of medication and woke up with cuts all over my arms. No recollection except I have a vague memory of getting out of a moving car and walking like five miles and crying inside of a church, but so anyway, let's talk about work stuff tomorrow. I have a headache."

Saturday, May 25, 2013

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I like when you're talking to a person and they're like, "Remember so and so" like let's say the persons name is Julie, like "Hey, remember Julie?" and you're like umm no I don't think so, and then they're like, "YES YOU DO!!!!!! Julie blahblahblah!l" and then they tell you a bunch of like personal and physical information about the person and then you're like, "Yeah, I'm sorry, like, I don't know who that is." Then they start rolling their eyes and are like "I'm gonna look up her facebook, hold on" and then you make a face like you're thinking, and you go, "Ohhhhh, Julie blahblahblah. Yeah, I remember now haha." and then the person puts their phone down and starts laughing and is like, "YES, see! I told you! You always want to argue," and then you're like, yeah, it's ME that likes to argue, haha, but you just smile and nod and maybe even make some type of "joke" like "Yeah, I should have been a litigator haha," and the other person's like "yeah, haha" and you feel really satisfied that you remembered that you can just lie to people when you don't want to talk anymore.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

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If I see something like a band/"zine"/store/whatever, and it involves the word like..."dad" or like "666" I know it's really good. Like, I know immediately that its a thing that can survive on its own merits, not some like fraudulent pussy bullshit relying on a played out gimmick to get attention for itself. You know?

I kind of hope everyone I used to know but don't know anymore is dead, you know?

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"I hope that picture is the top of YOUR head," I thought, because you're definitely going bald.

Mesothelioma



I can't wait to like pretend I care about socializing with people while putting clothes on people in a hot ass room full of lights with no air conditioning #livingthedream

Only my forehead is aging. I have like fat cheeks or whatever so like...part of my face looks 20 and part of my face looks 65.

To be perfectly honest, every time I "fail" at something, it's kind of a relief, like...thank "god" I don't' have to "try" or care anymore.

Friday, May 17, 2013

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Is there a difference between "discipline" and "self respect?" Not sure, but if there is, I have neither.

Is there like an age where tip toeing out of a house quietly at 5 AM with your shoes and bra in your arms becomes "sad" or is that just crazy sexy cool forever?

Added Note: My head is killing me.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

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Found myself admiring a strip mall. Like, I thought something like, "That's my favorite strip mall."

There's a park across the street from it and the strip mall seemed so like....superior. Like no one was standing in the middle of the strip mall doing tai chi or whatever.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Monday, May 13, 2013

Or Whatever

"My tears don't taste salty," I thought, crying in my car after running out of someone's bedroom.

"I can't believe breast implants are a real thing that exists," I thought, five minutes later.

"Satan is a 1-800 number that resides in your dark heart," someone said.

Yes, that seems right.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

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I have makeup all over my face and my conscience is disappearing.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

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One time I was at Sundance and I saw this short film and it was just like a REALLY old man going down on a REALLY old woman and like, it wasn't a joke.

When someone asks me how I'm doing I like to respond with a non sequitur:

"Cum Drunk"

"Dolly Parton's face"

"90s murdering hitch hiker motif"

"Dennis Rodman's fashion sense"

OR

"Eh...Hangin' on by a thread." *pause* "Jk"

Saturday, May 4, 2013

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I've had food poisoning which is "funny" bc a few months ago I was "joking" about how I wanted to get food poisoning.

Having weird paranoid thoughts about how you never really "know" anyone.