Saturday, September 28, 2013

This thing keeps happening where I do stuff and then have no recollection of doing it, but it's not like I'm on drugs, I mean, I'm always sort of, I'm on drugs, but I'm not "on drugs" you know? But, what I'm saying is, it's probably not related to drug use. Like earlier, I went to the liquor store and I had my dog in the car, and then, everything after that is a blur...like, I don't remember how I got home, or like, if my dog is in the house, or...you know...I mean, I don't remember anything. I bought some chapstick, or, not chapstick but Smith's Rosebud Salve. That's the only thing I know for sure.

 

I don't remember anything I post on this blog. I felt really sad about the "Hurts So Good" thing. I've also been wondering about...I hear the high school band playing...I'm gonna say that I hear it playing almost constantly everyday between the hours of 5AM and 7PM. I thought, for sure, that couldn't be right. Like, I thought, for sure that's an auditory hallucination. Someone mentioned it the other day though, they mentioned, also hearing it constantly and then I felt better sort of.

I also feel like every time I have sex, the dude is playing Sea Change. Again, not sure if that's real.

 

I feel like, in my head, like, the song that would be playing on a loop would be, ugh...I don't know, "New Dawn Fades" or something, but you don't get to pick what song is playing. The soundtrack of your life is always chosen by "other" lol, like the stranger you're fucking or whatever mechanism chooses songs at walmart. God? Is it god? I don't know. What I'm saying, guys is, you don't get to choose the songs. God chooses the songs.

Also, I may not be a virgin, but my drink is(nt either, actually, jk).

 

 

 

 

 

Friday, September 27, 2013

Am I losing my mind or is "Hurts So Good" actually playing on a loop everywhere I go?

Thursday, September 19, 2013

The phrase, "I've got to be going," keeps coming into my head in every interaction I have with other people/regarding life in general.

Monday, September 16, 2013

I can see my 20s skin turning into 30s skin everyday. Every time I get out of the shower and look at my unmade up face I like, start crying.

Transcribed Conversations: On "Smart" People

I sometimes find myself reading. Reading a book or an article or something, and it's almost as though I've blacked out. I just 'wake up' suddenly, shoving more knowledge I don't want into my brain. It's like a person who wakes up choking on food it's shoving down its throat in an ambien haze. It sees a bright white light and thinks it's dying for a moment, before realizing, in shocked horror, it's standing in front of the refrigerator.

It's not like I really want to know anything. It's not like I'm saving up these tidbits of knowledge for some future interaction I might have. Because, you're never really going to have a conversation with a smart person, you know? You can't fuck with smart people. Not really. It's never about relating or enjoying each other's company. It's about them constantly searching every word that comes out of your mouth, every, you know, correspondence you ever have. They're always combing over it in their mind searching for clues. Clues that indicate they're smarter than you, that they "get it" more than you. That they're more fuckin'.... "self aware" than you. It never ends. They're always looking for evidence that you're actually a stupid fuckhead, believe me. Intelligent people don't believe in human connection. Deep down, they deny the idea of consonance between themselves and others. It's true. Think about it. Think about the percentage of your interactions that revolve around discussing other people being stupid fuckheads and how. Go ahead and think about that...that's not reserved for other people, they're doing it to you too, lol.

 

 

Friday, September 13, 2013

I'm sorry about all that...

I don't know what's wrong with me you guys. I can't stop. It's really out of control. It's been raining non stop for days, and I'm just like "laying about" watching cable news on mute listening to "Hold Me Now" by the Thompson Twins over and over, laughing hysterically at things that aren't technically funny.

"Modulistic terror A vast sadistic feast The only way to exit Is goingpiece by piece..."

"It Happened to Me: My Parents Adopted a Murderer..."

"I just f------ killed someone. I strangled them and slit their throat and stabbed them now they're dead. I don't know how to feel atm. It was ahmazing. As soon as you get over the 'ohmygawd I can't do this' feeling, it's pretty enjoyable. I'm kinda nervous and shaky though right now. Kay, I gotta go to church now...lol.""

"Teen partially decapitated by his own remote control helicopter..."

"brain eating amoeba found in Louisiana Parish water supply"

Saturday, September 7, 2013

If you know, like, a 45 year old dude that listens to Swans, I'll marry that motherfucker right now. Dead serious.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Full Disclosure

So, I was trying to sleep for the rest of my life, but then, someone started playing Mumford and Sons at an OUTRAGEOUS volume. And, I can't verify that, or elaborate on it, because, I don't actually know any songs by Mumford and Sons, I just have this, like, vague idea about what they must sound like in my head. So, this is either Mumford and Sons, or something that sounds the way Mumford and Sons sounds in my head. Then, they started using a chainsaw to do something. I can't confirm that either. I didn't look to make sure it was a chainsaw as opposed to some other kind of saw or sander or something, but it sounds the way a chainsaw sounds in my head and like...at first I hoped the person would die, and then that seemed really dramatic, and then I wanted to start crying but that also seemed really dramatic so I just got some iced coffee.