I sometimes find myself reading. Reading a book or an article or something, and it's almost as though I've blacked out. I just 'wake up' suddenly, shoving more knowledge I don't want into my brain. It's like a person who wakes up choking on food it's shoving down its throat in an ambien haze. It sees a bright white light and thinks it's dying for a moment, before realizing, in shocked horror, it's standing in front of the refrigerator.
It's not like I really want to know anything. It's not like I'm saving up these tidbits of knowledge for some future interaction I might have. Because, you're never really going to have a conversation with a smart person, you know? You can't fuck with smart people. Not really. It's never about relating or enjoying each other's company. It's about them constantly searching every word that comes out of your mouth, every, you know, correspondence you ever have. They're always combing over it in their mind searching for clues. Clues that indicate they're smarter than you, that they "get it" more than you. That they're more fuckin'.... "self aware" than you. It never ends. They're always looking for evidence that you're actually a stupid fuckhead, believe me. Intelligent people don't believe in human connection. Deep down, they deny the idea of consonance between themselves and others. It's true. Think about it. Think about the percentage of your interactions that revolve around discussing other people being stupid fuckheads and how. Go ahead and think about that...that's not reserved for other people, they're doing it to you too, lol.